Showcase: Steampunk Transformers

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"Optimus Prime"

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"Megatron"

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"Soundwave"

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"Bumblebee"

A disclaimer: I try to avoid anything steampunk here, because let's be honest - steampunk has been done to death, and then some. I could go into a whole rant about steampunk, in fact, and how it was a novelty for about six months back in 2002 before it got co-opted by the Hot Topic crowd and blown completely out of proportion, but that wouldn't change the fact that blue-haired teenagers wearing corsets, goggles and top hats would continue to celebrate an era of western history typified by its horrific working conditions, abuse of children and the poor, and rampant, unchecked colonial expansionism. So I'll leave it alone.

But, having said that, sometimes I come across something that uses steampunk tropes to its advantage, and that's what we have here, with Brian Kesinger's clever steampunk\Transformers mashup. As you may or may not know, depending on how nerdy you are, IDW published a steampunk Transformers miniseries, called "Hearts of Steel". Kesinger's industrial revolution revisions of Transformers blows that officially sanctioned concept out of the water, thanks to his attention to detail and a number of sardonic touches.

In particular, I love how both Optimus and Megatron are sporting mustaches. I love how Optimus turns into a steam-powered locomotive, Megatron into a baroquely-patterned sixshooter, and Soundwave into a victrola\player piano. I love how era-specific hats have been incorporated into each character's robot mode.

If more steampunk had as much of a sense of humor as this, I probably wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it out of hand.

[Brian Kesinger on Deviantart]

Triptych: On Distant Zebes

"Steam Punk Hunter" (t-shirt) by Pertheseus

"Femme Fatale Hunter" (t-shirt) by Adam Works

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"SR388 Metroid Cycle" by Manuel Samolo Molohua

Triptych: Mega Buster

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"Steamman" by Roger Von Biersborn

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"Nintendo Samurai #2: Megaman" by Jed Henry

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"Megaman Select" by Asylum Comics

Triptych: Mega Mashups

"Work In Progress" by Vincent Bocognani

"Mega Man War Asset" by Burton Durand

"Metroid Man" by 1up Apparel

Triptych: Bustin' Makes Me Feel Good

"Ghost" by Chris Thornley

"Spectral Smashers" (t-shirt) by Jerry Bennett

"Mood Slime" (t-shirt) by upsidedownowl

Triptych: Retro Mario Bros.

"Super M." by belldandies


"Victorian Mario Bros." by Zero Lives


"Steamboat Mario" by jublin

One-Line Wonders: B:AA, SH:H, Cogs, KH:358/2D

Today marks the debut of what I hope to be an ongoing column. One-Line Wonders is my attempt to cut back on my usual word-salad approach to blogging and review a handful of games in a single sentence (or equivalent.)

So without further ado, here are your One-Line Wonders for Tuesday, January 26th, 2010.

Batman: Arkham Asylum (PC, 360, PS3)

Graphics: 8/10
Sound: 8/10
Gameplay: 8/10
Design: 9/10
Batarangs: ∞
dB of vocalised alarm expressed upon the unanticipated appearance of Killer Croc when attempting to open an entirely mundane, though mercifully locked, door: 77

I never realised until THIS MOMENT just how utterly devoid of meaning my life was without the ability to hang upside down from a gargoyle, silently pick off an escaped convict, and then observe from afar as his cohorts discover him and absolutely lose their shit in unbridled terror.

One quickly learns that the goal of Batman: Arkham Asylum is not survival, but how best to screw with otherwise calm and collected individuals

Silent Hill: Homecoming (PC, 360, PS3)

Graphics: 6.5/10
Sound: 7.5/10
Gameplay: 5/10
Design: 7/10
Pyramid Heads: 1 (to date)
Duration between end of intro cinematic and start of gameplay to realise you are indescribably fucked: 10 seconds

It may be a rehash of every entry in the franchise to date, but if nothing else, Silent Hill: Homecoming has the dubious distinction of making me lose control of my bowels more quickly than any other game I've ever encountered (critical moment of bowel-loosening: Pyramid Head, in shadow, dismembering someone on the other side of a locked door before you've even managed to extricate yourself from they gurney you were strapped to during the intro.)

Silent Hill's legendary toilet stalls return in full force

Cogs (PC)

Graphics: 4/10
Sound: 5/10
Gameplay: 7.5/10
Design: 8/10
Steampunk appeal: 9.5/10
Severity of curse-word obscenity prompted by the first dozen puzzles: Impolite even within sea-faring company

Why is this game so hard, goddammit?

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days (DS)

Graphics: 8/10
Sound: 7/10
Gameplay: 8.5/10
Design: 7/10
Days that are actually playable: less than 358
Bars of sea-salt ice cream eaten by Roxas: 8 million

The foundation is there for this to be a watershed entry in the Kingdom Hearts series, but recycled music, enemies, characters, worlds and weapons, along with a bland and uninspired storyline, trite, tedious cutscenes, and the game's tendency to abruptly skip over weeks of unplayable days at a time makes it feel like a hugely wasted opportunity - and maybe just a phoned-in contractual obligation on Square Enix's part while they invested the bulk of their efforts into the far-superior Birth By Sleep.

Ah, the Rocky Expanse, from Disney's classic nature film The Suicidal World of Lemmings... My childhood nostalgia has been fulfilled

Epic Mickey - Slowly Becoming Reality

I've been fighting off illness for the last week and today it finally developed into a full-blown (swine? maybe!) flu. My weekend has been spent sitting on the couch listening to The Cash\Dylan Sessions (the aural equivalent of chicken noodle soup), re-watching Twin Peaks, and trying to keep down greasy take-out, but I couldn't resist posting this update on what is starting to look like my most anticipated upcoming game of 2010: Epic Mickey.

Until now, precious little information had been released on Epic Mickey other than some intriguing concept art (which you can see below the cut). That's starting to change, however, with Game Informer's leak of their November issue wrap-around cover.

Game Informer also promises a month of regularly-posted updates on the game at their Epic Mickey Portal, which you can be sure I'll be keeping a close eye on.

What has been revealed about Epic Mickey thus far:

· It's being developed by Junction Point Studios and produced by Warren Spector, the man behind Wing Commander, Ultima, System Shock, and the brilliant Thief and Deus Ex games (fun fact: he also designed the pen-and-paper RPG Toon for Steve Jackson Games with the legendary gaming god Greg Costikyan, whose blog is required reading for anyone interested in gaming culture).
· It will be released on the Wii with a projected date of third quarter 2010.
· "Epic Mickey" is most likely a working title and not final.
· It will be a platformer and has been described as "steampunk" (coincidentally, before I started coughing up chunks of lung and downing Nyquil like Kool-Aid, I was working on a post on steampunk-themed games, so watch for that once I return to my typical fine fetter).
· It will blow your mind.

I've long held the conviction that Disney is a lot more subversive than the watered-down, family-friendly image it's known for. That, or it's such a massive superstructure that internal subversion goes overlooked. If you still have your doubts, check out their 1995 short "Runaway Brain" below:

Anyway, on to the Epic Mickey gallery:

By Fred Gambino:

By Gary Glover: